rosepetaltragic

I'm sorry, your one of the nicest boys I've ever met and I know you've wanted to go out with me for like years and i lead you on for a little bit (like a week) BUT kissing you made me realize i don't like you like that actually it made me physically nauseus. iIm sorry for everything i said i was caught in the moment. I'm sorry that i broke your heart but i thought it was better to break it off now before it got anymore serious. So with that said would you PLEASE stop writing surveys on myspace with hidden innuendos,writing in my truth box,leaving me comments,guilt tripping me and trying to make me jeaolus by telling me about all your female friends? Your a really great guy your just not right for me and contrary to your belief it broke my heart to break yours. So please don't obsess find your right person and let me find mine.Thanx.

since our last day of "friendship" even though it was over long before that.  a LOT has happened in a year my stepgrandfather died, i started sophmore year alone and friendless,i had many experiences you would have appreciated had you been there,i started playing guitar and hired a personal trainer  to name a few. in a way though i'm kind of glad with everything thats happened but still a part of me misses you. hopefully time will make it less painful,12 months has already taken the edge off, atleast alittle.

i feel empty. it's been six months on tuesday... you still can hurt me even if we hardly see each other and only talk through ims. i still dont know what all of this means... i thought i would feel better, i dont. i dont have anyone in my life who wants to listen, why are people so selfish? i can honestly say i care about what people say, i care about other things besides myself. why cant anyone else?!?


oh and mom, stop fucking telling me im a goth and that their losers!!! i get it, you dont want me to be one, well guess what, i DONT care about what you think about them. you were a fucking pothead deadhead, i dont care if it was the 70"S leave my fucking ideas about goth alone! plus with the way i was raised your lucky im not a fucking hooker, drug addict, white trash, mentally insane wack job! ok?

Love and Hope to America on this day, i was fortunate and didn't lose anyone in that terrible catastrophe. Even though i didn't lose anyone i still feel for everyone who did. 9/11 makes me cry whenever it's mentioned, it was so horrible and seemed hopeless. But now six years later were stronger and are hopeful again. May all the innocents and lost souls of that tragedy find peace!

I want someone to care about me. I love you so much why dont you love me? Why dont you care about me? I try to give so much to you, i'm sorry that i couldnt take care of you before but i wasnt on the earth yet. I'm sorry about your life and your choices and the things that were forced upon you. I know you didnt do it on purpose but now i have to struggle with it for the rest of my life. I would die for you willingly and happily if it would help you. Theres nothing i wont do for you right now, just ask i'll do it. i love you sooooooo much, why cant you love me? I know you dont care about what i have to say but why cant you atleast pretend? Please? For me?

I feel so unoriginal and uncreative(sp?) . I want to be a writer but i cant seem to think of anything that hasn't already been done. i want to be an artist but i'm not as good as i would like to be you could say i suck at it. i have been accused of stealing ideas and things from others and i think their right. i hope i'll be more original as i get older and become more me... i wish i was half as  interesting as i am in my head. i wish i was different or had something special about me(no not in the mentally retarded way). but i guess sooner or later i'll have to accept that i'm not...

 What the hell was your message supposed to do? Hey amazing? What the hell did you hope to accomplish using that line? I dont believe your done with ***** for one minute. He was like your right hand and now i'm supposed to believe you just got rid of him? Yeah right ***** yeah right. Well you know what? We are THROUGH i will NEVER go out with you again! Going out with you was a mistake i'm so done with you...

I hate you for what you made me.  I wish that i could ask you this: what the fuck is wrong with you?!!?? You have serious mental problems and i cant wait til the day i can leave and never see you again. Why do you have to ruin everything for us? Why the hell do you have to crush her and tear her down!? And let me also say this: EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT! NOTHING- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING- IS HER FAULT! God i hate you and if i wasn't needed elsewhere i would have gotten rid of you along time ago!!! You bastard i can only hope that i can hurt you as much as you have hurt everyone else. Think of all the lives you've ruined! I want to make one thing very clear: I HATE YOU !!!!!!

      Ugh god i'm so not ready for school again! Not only will i have no friends thanx to ***** but the kids i called that i'm sort of friends with have no classes at all with me. So basically i'm screwed this is going to be horrible i'm going to have to bum off my sisters friends this year. I just can't believe the summers over even though autumn is my favorite time of year i'm dreadind it. I really dont want my job at ****** ***'*  to work out i havent even started and i hope i'm fired. And what was that hour long im about anyway? It sounded like you were actually sorry and wanted to be my friend at times... at others it sounded like you were afraid of me or just wanted to make things ok with me so that if we have to work together i wont screw up your grade... i just dont know anything anymore...ugh i feel sick...

i just broke up with that ass! and i feel great! he was so cute and mysterious when i first met him, now i wonder what the fuck was i thinking, also that he's mentally unstable!!!! i just hope i dont end up like a lifetime movie. anyways i'm glad thats over even if i did lose two months of my life and summer...this summer will forever be known as the summer of my strange first romance!!! fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!!!!! FUCK!!! god i'm going back to goths and the occasional emo!
and hey now he can get with his best friend and come out of the closet!!!

omfg!!! all my mom does these days is ask if i'm a lesbian! its like i cant listen to music without her saying are you sure ur not a lesbian? god! its really starting to get to me... just because i said i like emos means i'm a lesbian!!!! theres nothing wrong with being a lesbian from my point of veiw i'm pro gay but to my mom its like the end of the world if any of her children were. even though she has friends that are gay... and heaven forbid i'm bi thats somehow worse then being gay...i asked her what would she be like if i said i was transgendered and she said she would be totally ok with it!!! because somehow it would be a mistake or something i dont see her reasoning at all...god...

My Dirty Little Secrets (no not the song) 

 i miss u more then there is water on the earth even if thats not how i act...
i love asians...
i LOVE beautiful boys...
i go crazy for goth guys and emo guys...
i think people who are bi are beautiful...
i hate u ...... and u to ...... for what u did to me and kayla...
i lied about my first kiss...
i lie more then i tell the truth...pretty much everything i say out loud is only half true..
i'm a firm and adamant believer of half-truths...
i'm extremely turned on by ....'. body... and if anybody knew i'd probably be disowned or too ashamed to show my face to my family ever again...
i fantasize about death and have all these weird situations i think up ...
my biggest fears are going blind and my mom dying...even though it will happen eventually...
i hate nascar with a passion(not really a secret)...
i love hot gay guys and wish one was my best friend...
i hate ....
i fear i'll never recover from all these scars on my heart...

These are the only ones i can think of right now